1. "If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange these apples, then you and I will still each have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas."
2. "My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say, and then to say it with the utmost levity."
3. "You'll never have a quiet world till you knock the patriotism out of the human race."
4. "We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it than to consume wealth without producing it."
5. "Beware of the man whose God is in the skies."
6. "He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches."
7. "The golden rule is that there are no golden rules."
8. "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man."
9. "There is no love sincerer than the love of food."
10. "I never resist temptation because I have found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me."
11. "A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing."
12. "My reputation grows with every failure."
13. "To be clever enough to get a great deal of money, one must be stupid enough to want it."
14. "We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience."
15. "We don't stop playing because we grow old; We grow old because we stop playing!"
16. "When a man wants to murder a tiger he calls it sport; when a tiger wants to murder him he calls it ferocity."
17. "When a man teaches something he does not know to somebody else who has no aptitude for it, and gives him a certificate of proficiency, the latter has completed the education of a gentleman."
18. "Which painting in the National Gallery would I save if there was a fire? The one nearest the door of course."
19. "A drama critic is a man who leaves no turn unstoned."
20. "A fashion is nothing but an induced epidemic."
21. "A little learning is a dangerous thing, but we must take that risk because a little is as much as our biggest heads can hold."
22. "A man of great common sense and good taste - meaning thereby a man without originality or moral courage."
23. "Animals are my friends... and I don't eat my friends."
24. "Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?"
25. "Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world."
26. "Cruelty would be delicious if one could only find some sort of cruelty that didn't really hurt."
27. "Go on writing plays, my boy, One of these days one of these London producers will go into his office and say to his secretary, "Is there a play from Shaw this morning?" and when she says, "No," he will say, "Well, then we'll have to start on the rubbish." And that's your chance, my boy."
28. "I can forgive Alfred Nobel for having invented dynamite, but only a fiend in human form could have invented the Nobel Prize."
29. "I dislike feeling at home when I am abroad."
30. "I dread success. To have succeeded is to have finished one's business on earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment he has succeeded in his courtship. I like a state of continual becoming, with a goal in front and not behind."
31. "The only man who behaved sensibly was my tailor; he took my measurement anew every time he saw me, while all the rest went on with their old measurements and expected them to fit me."
32. "The only way to avoid being miserable is not to have enough leisure to wonder whether you are happy or not."
33. "The possibilities are numerous once we decide to act and not react."
34. "The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech."
35. "What we want is to see the child in pursuit of knowledge, and not knowledge in pursuit of the child."